My Short-lived Ultra Running Dream (Am I in Control, or God?)
I turned off the TV with tears in my eyes. My inspiration meter was completely maxed out. My wife and I had just watched a documentary of a person completing the Moab 240 ultramarathon.
“King of Moab” takes you right beside Max Jolliffe as he not only survives, but wins the 2024 Moab 240.
“There are two types of people in the world”, my wife chuckled as we reflected on what we just witnessed. “There are people who watch that and NEVER want to experience something like that, and people like you who see that suffering and pain and say ‘you know what.. that. I want that!’”
She wasn’t wrong, but little did she know this obsession started a few months prior when I watched the 2025 Western States 100 live on YouTube. I became obsessed with ultra running. I read books, watched YouTube videos, and listened to countless hours of podcasts on the subject. I became inspired by people like Sally McRae, Hans Troyer, and many others.
I was always into running, but never had run over a half marathon. After all this inspiration, I could not picture myself being just an average runner, my new destiny was to become an ultra runner. I never half do anything, I always go extreme from the start.
I began training. I was putting in the miles, with the desire to become an ultra runner in the forefront of my mind. I had the modest goal of wanting to run 100 miles within the next 2-5 years. Totally doable. However, if I am being honest, I think I was (and still am) having a bit of an identity crises, and a need to escape.
Identity: Some dads are good with their hands. When they die their sons and daughters will recount the days of being taught how to work on vehicles, repair things, make things out of wood, or hunt big game. Other dads are extremely intelligent. Children will recount how their dad has taught them incredible and fascinating things. Then there’s me…
I wouldn’t say I’m particularly good at anything. (Like really good. Remember, I’m extreme). However, I am very good at obsessing. Sometimes this is to my detriment, and sometimes this helps me. I wanted promotion so I studied and took exams to level up in my career. I wanted to preach the gospel to people in Spanish so I learned Spanish. I believed running a 100 ultramarathon would be no different.
I thought if I could run 100 miles someday my wife and my kids would be so proud of me, and it wouldn’t matter that I wasn’t super intelligent or good with my hands. To be fair, my wife tells me she’s proud of me all the time. This is very much an issue that I have in my messed up brain. I realize that. Hopefully I can figure it out someday.
Escape: Again, here is more of me dumping out the depths of my heart to a world who isn’t asking for it. I think a lot of me wanting to run 100 miles is me just wanting to get away from the noise. I feel a desire to just run, and arrive someplace that isn’t here. Im always seeking the next thing, and can’t sit in the moment. I am reminded of a powerful quote from CS Lewis:
“If I find in myself a desire which nothing in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world.”
So what happened?
My plan was to be an ultra runner, why can’t I be one? The short answer is my body won’t let me. When I increase my milage my knees get injured, every single time. I’ve tried doing all I can in my power to prevent this and it happens over and over. As someone who has played sports, ran, and lifted weights for most of my life, I can tell you this pain isn’t typical soreness, this is an injury. This all brings me to this Bible verse:
Proverbs 19:21
“Many are the plans in the mind of a man,
but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand.”
Time and time again the teaching of this verse has proven true in my life. Ultimately, as Christian’s, we must all come to the conclusion that only God is sovereign. Only He is in control. I can map out my life all I want, but if it’s not God’s will, it will not amount to anything.
Sometimes we act like God has to submit Himself to our plans, goals, and desires. That just isn’t reality. The only thing that will stand is His will.
So what do I do now? Now I wait for God. Unless I’m wrong, I believe He has shut the door of ultra running for me. I can be upset, and I can try and kick that door down, or I can trust Him and submit to His will. That is what I choose to do. I know that His plans for my life are better than anything I can scheme up.
